I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
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