4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
