She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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