Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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