oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
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i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
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At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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