I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
