Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
