U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
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So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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