apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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