i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize