If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
