Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
