Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
