Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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