I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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