You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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