Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We need a shit load of segways right now
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
