I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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