why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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