u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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