does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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