when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
