did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
