my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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