I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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