make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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