How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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