I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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