i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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