he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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