i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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