So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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