I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
