I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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