Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
babies were throwing up all over the place
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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