you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
