He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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