He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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