spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
