hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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