She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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