omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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