I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
