Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
