So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
