So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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