He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
