This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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