My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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