Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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