Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
