you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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