you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
