Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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