to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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