So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
