you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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