I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
