8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
