can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
