I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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