i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
