She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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