Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So many bounce houses so little time
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
