I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
