i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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