I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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